My mum used to say: 'ain't no home where there ain't no salt'. Although the source and the profound sense of this commandment appears as a great mystery to me I've been taking it for granted ever since. With the view to enriching the folk wisdom and exteningd its scope I coined a brand-new thought: 'ain't no home where there ain't no salt, ain't no cement where there ain't no wine'. For how one can build a loving and understanding flat community without this drink of the gods? So this is how we happen to be connoisseurs (not to say 'be addicted') of entry-level wine (not to say 'cheap') and how we started sharing our ups and downs, broken hearts, lifted weights, car frauds and picked up ideas (not to say 'gossip' or 'talk behind others' backs'). Not that we are incapable of doing all these when there's no red dry wine coupled with a few ice cubes but it's just more fun.
Wine DOES 'open' interlocutors but it does not open itself all that easily ;D Theoretically she (as I assume wine needs to be female since its dignity and sensitivity on one hand and its strength and self-confidence on the ohter ;)) only lets her friend Mr Crokscrew the Twisted to open her and still he needs to have special approach as she isn't easily accessible (Indeed! She has to be a woman then). But even a well-protected and well-guarded woman can get carried away and get seduced. Believe me! I have 24 years' experience in being a woman (or so I think) and two months' experience in (binge??) drinking ;O (well, what can I say... there always happens to be a good occasion to have a couple of glasses of wine).
A continuación*... theoretically you need a corkscrew, whereas practically you can sod it ;D (British is not only about bon ton*). And when you sod it it's even more fun. This is what happens when Tomu (aka Zbychu who is willing to put up different Grażynas any time they need) leaves and takes the one and only and, thus, so precious corkscrew with him. But as a child I must have watched a lot of episodes of 'Mr Gadget' (although don't remember) and even more of 'McGyver (and this I remember) since I made a perfect corkscrew-like device, a knife-spoon-and-kitchen-cloth bottle opener. Actually WE did as could my dad be more unpredictable and helpful and could Ola be more determined to drink before she hits the floor?? ;D
Basically, first we scraped out half of the cork with a Tom's expensive knife and than pushed in what was left with a nobody's cheap spoon protecting the clothes with a kitchen cloth. Voila!* ;) Pieces of the cork floating in the wine didn't really bother us and the satisfaction was undescribable. Every fool can open a bottle of wine with a corkscrew and this was somewhat more complex.
Now I am seriously thinking about writing some manual as I see its future in bright colours among students, graduates, under-gratuates, post-gratuades, candidates for university seats and those facing make-up exam ;) Brilliant, isn't it?!
* In case you haven't noticed I used three different languages which may mean I am either:
a) well-educated
b) emotionally (?) and linguistically unstable and disloyal
c) a show-off
d) a real artist who gives an outlet for her talent only in the state of high addiction to various stimulants (you choose ;))
